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You are here: Home / Home Life / There is hope after miscarriage!

Amy's Home Life, Home Life, Parenting

There is hope after miscarriage!

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There is hope after miscarriage woman holding a pink rose at child's funeral neededinthehome

Miscarriage and child loss is not something people talk about in Wisconsin where I live.  It is a taboo topic.  Death itself is often not talked about even though we should talk about it.  It is inevitable.  I remember when my husband's Grandpa died and I was so amazed that he and his wife had bought several graveyard plots in the past for themselves and their children so that they could all “be together” in the graveyard.  It left an impression of love for family, even in the hereafter, on me.

Note: Some links in this post are affiliate links, which means I receive a commission if you make a purchase. Affiliate relationships include, but are not limited to Amazon Associates, Walmart.com, and Etsy.

People just don't know what to say or how to act around someone that has just suffered a miscarriage. Thankfully, someone that just went through child loss can find hope.

There is hope after miscarriage!

Soon after that funeral, my husband and I decided to get grave plots in the same graveyard.  The cemetery had a “buy one, get one free, plus a free hotel stay at Wisconsin Dells” deal going on.  I am not kidding!  We were newlyweds at the time, however, and didn't have the foresight to buy grave plots for our children.  I think I just believed, at the time, that if we had kids, they would live longer than us and could make their own decisions about where their remains would rest.  In reality, I ended up having four children die (miscarriages) by my early 40s.

Mackenzie 03/30/2004

My first miscarriage, at age 30, was devastating to me.  I had already had three healthy children (Marissa, Mattingly and Mercedes) vaginally and I expected that everything with this child would be fine too.  Around eleven weeks gestation, I learned there was no heartbeat and that my child had died or had stopped growing at maybe around seven or eight weeks gestation.  I waited another two weeks to try to have it on my own without medical intervention and I started to get an infection so the medical staff had to do a “D and C”.  I did not want it done and even asked for another ultrasound beforehand just to be sure there wasn't a little heartbeat.  Sadly, there was not, and I had the procedure and demanded to see the cut up body (they called the body “tissue”) to help me process grieving.

I came to Jesus after my first miscarriage

I was so broken inside.  I sobbed so often.  I did not know where to go for support or help. No one wanted to talk about it and I noticed people avoided me and made excuses to get away from me.  Finally, I went to my Bible (although, at that time, I had not been reading it or understanding it) as I felt that only God had the answers for me.  God allowed me, by His amazing grace, to open it to 2 Samuel where David had sinned with Bathsheba and their child was going to die.  David was in grief and agony just like me.  He couldn't eat, etc.  When the child died, David had peace and knew that his child was with God and that he (David) would go to his child.

I realized then that my child was in heaven, but I didn't know for sure if I was going.  I was at that moment convicted of my own sins and cried out to the Lord and confessed.  I felt a peace come over me and when I opened my Bible again, God allowed it, by His love and grace to open to the book of 1 John.  I realized that Jesus took my sin with him and suffered for me on the cross and that I was forgiven and that I too could now go to heaven because of what He did for me.  I was then filled with peace and hope.  I started reading my Bible and learned so much (and am still learning). I don't feel this is a great way to read your Bible, I just really believe that God allowed, for that moment in time, to show me those things because it was a very big book to me as a new reader and I couldn't find it on my own. He knew I was seeking Him with all my heart and He allowed me to find Him in that way. I was baptized and became a member of a Bible based Evangelical church in early 2005.

Morgan 11/01/2004

I went through another miscarriage that same year, a few months after I had turned 31.  It was at the eleventh week again, but this time I delivered naturally in my home.  This time my grieving was different, I had peace and hope even though I had no earthly support.  I knew that Jesus loved me and that my child was in heaven with his/her brother or sister (it was too early to tell) and that I would be there someday too for eternity, which is a lot longer than I will be here on this earth!  I also realized that my husband and children were grieving and that it wasn't all about me and that they needed comfort and to be reassured of my love for them.

There is hope after miscarriage three babies' gravestones pinwheels flowers
Three of my babies are buried in the same grave plot. Mackenzie 3/30/04, Morgan 11/1/04, and Murphy 6/17/14.

Maris – Rainbow baby boy born October of 2005

I became pregnant just three months later and this child was born when I was 32 and lived despite all odds.  I passed kidney stones during the pregnancy and I developed PPCM – pregnancy induced heart failure and my uterine sac was white with hardly any blood getting to it when he was delivered C-section with me being under anesthesia.  I am very thankful he gets to be here with me. I have heard some people say he is a double rainbow baby because he was born after two miscarriages.

PPCM is very rare, so they don't talk about it in the pregnancy books. I don't want you to be concerned that you will ever have it. I really believe that it was a testing of my faith as a new believer.

 

I believe that Jesus healed me

I was very much tested as I nearly died after having my son. A surgeon was talking to me about a heart transplant. Everyone I knew and some people they knew were all praying for me, a young married homeschooling, homemaking mother of four children. That prayer was heard and responded to quickly, as I was completely healed by January 2006 within 2 and a half months without a transplant! I have not had a poor heart test ever since. This is unheard of in cardiology. The Director of Cardiology was very amazed. And I have been tested many times. Praise God!

 

My Breast Milk Returned

I had to stop breastfeeding my son not long after my milk had fully come in due to the medications I was on. I really wanted to breastfeed and God gave me back my milk shortly after I was healed. It only took a few weeks to get him off formula and fully nursing. My pediatrician was amazed as he heard so many stories of women stopping breastfeeding and not going back and asked if he could tell others to encourage them. I said yes, of course!  I nursed him until he was a little over age two.

The Vasectomy

The doctors convinced my husband to get a vasectomy because I would surely die if I had another pregnancy. Mike is truly a believer and a man who follows God, but he had fear. So he did as they said in December 2005. In March, when when he took a sample in, found that it was not effective.

The Second Vasectomy

The hospital said his second vasectomy was free and strongly recommended that he should do it, even though God had completely healed my heart by then. God gave me faith and a desire for more children. I did not want him to have another vasectomy. I wanted to trust God, I credit that faith as a gift from God. At that time we had 4 kids on earth, 2 in heaven. My husband felt we had enough and he still had fear. After talking to our Pastor at the time, he had another surgery, which worked.

The Desire to Have Another Child

I still had a desire for more children and I couldn't figure why, except maybe it was from God. So I asked my husband Mike if we could adopt or foster and he was not interested. We moved to Michigan in 2008 and found a great Evangelical church there to become members of.
I had a desire for more children, but felt that I should take this concern to the Lord each time, rather than bother my husband with it.  A few times, he caught me in the middle of the night crying with tears to the Lord and my Bible in my lap and he asked me what was wrong and I told him how I wanted another child (but I already knew he didn't want to adopt and that he had fear of losing me) and that I still loved him and respected his decision, I was just taking it to the Lord. Him catching me in tears did not change his position.
The desire for more children intensified and I kept taking it to the Lord. But, I didn't know how to pray anymore. I had already prayed the desire would be taken away because, in my eyes, there was nothing I could do about it. I felt like God must want me to do something with this desire or He would have taken it away by now. I threw myself into children's ministry and Mike and I were the Awana commanders there for over 2 years and helped with VBS, I worked in the baby nursery when I could as well. Through this time, I loved and very much appreciated the children I did already have realizing just how precious each life is, truly a gift. I would tell my each of my children they are a present, a gift from the Lord to me. I would even sing about that, making up my own little song.
Yet, one night when my husband was away traveling for work, and the children and I were already in bed, the desire came over me terribly strong. I was again crying out to the Lord in tears and I remembered the Holy Spirit prays for us to God in moans and groans that we do not understand. In tears I asked the Holy Spirit to intercede thinking, He knows what I want and what God wants for me and He could be my representative. I lay in my bed very still with my hands folded just waiting. I felt a peace/relaxation/lightened load come over me and I figured the Spirit must be done talking to God for me and went about my life. This is my own personal experience and my interpretation of what happened. I don't know if there is a right way, when or if a person should do this, so please don't judge and don't assume this will work in your situation.
I felt too busy in the next few weeks to notice the desire, so I felt like God must be working on that in me. Little did I know, He was taking away Mike's fear.

My Husband Has a Reversal

One day Mike came to me and said he was going to Oklahoma alone to have a reversal (not covered at all by our health insurance at the time) and was taking all the money from savings to do it. At that time, he was a man who fainted at the sight of human blood, and would not go to surgery alone. I knew this must be from the Lord!

Miranda – baby girl born January of 2011

After two vasectomies and a reversal, I became pregnant again despite some medical staff telling me this was not a good idea with my past heart problems. I gave them the verse God gave me, Psalm 118:17 “I shall not die, but live and declare the works of the Lord.” (Which is what I am doing now by telling you this testimony).  I think they thought I was crazy and still performed two expensive echo-cardiograms, which were normal.  I am not saying this is the right decision for you, you need to see what God wants you to do, but God strengthened my faith and I felt peace in this decision.

The baby was due in the third week of February, but at the end of January, I couldn't feel the baby kick and knew something was wrong.  I had an emergency C-section, which I was awake for. I had a baby girl. She had a little trouble and had to be in the NICU about an hour away from our home for about a week because she had bled into me through the placenta.  After a week, she was a normal, healthy baby.  What a blessing to have a healthy child at age 37 despite all those odds. I I don't deserve a thing. I am amazed at how God loves me and blesses me. I say/do/think dumb things and apologize, so much to learn. I feel like I did nothing to receive any of the amazing blessings God has given me. I don't deserve anything, yet He is so good to me.

 

Mason – baby born born vaginally after 2 C-sections in a row September of 2012

Within a year, I became pregnant. I did have gestational diabetes for this pregnancy and had to test my blood often and couldn't control it with diet and had to give myself shots of insulin. But I am so thankful that he was born around 7 pounds weight, which is normal, and I was able to have him vaginally after two C-sections in a row.  The labor did take 26 hours though, my longest ever, for some reason. But it was so worth it! I had just turned 39 years old within a month before having him.

 

Murphy 06/17/2014

Then, at age 41, I had a miscarriage around eleven weeks again.  I felt sad for this loss, but yet comforted and at peace at the same time.  I am an artist and art just poured out of me at that time and I painted an acrylic of a newborn baby that I dedicated to all of my babies in heaven.  It hangs on my wall with my other baby photos.  I did much better to comfort my other family members right away this time.

 

 

Max 06/10/2015

I had another miscarriage, at age 42, the very next June at around eleven weeks.  I wondered if I was too old, but reminded myself that Sarah in the Bible was not too old and that with God all things are possible for those who believe and I just prayed and hoped that he would bless me with another child I could enjoy on this earth, if that was His will for me.

Miscarriage grave plot gravestone for a miscarried baby
Three was the maximum per grave plot at this cemetery. Here's the stone for Max 6/10/15.

Mitchell – Double Rainbow baby born September of 2016

God did bless me and I became pregnant again in about six months and this child lived despite my age (43 at his birth) and past history, etc.  I did have to pass some kidney stones while I was pregnant.  I also had gestational diabetes, but was able to control it with diet this time. Or so my doctor and I had thought.  A sweet baby boy, Mitchell, was born vaginally. He weighed over 9 pounds.

 

Megan – Another C-section born March of 2019

At age 45, God, in his amazing mercy and love blessed me with a sweet baby girl. I am still in awe. I was told that I was the oldest pregnant patient at our hospital and clinic by one of the workers there. My “advanced maternal age” was talked about at many of my appointments. I had bought and moved into a new house just 4 days before having her! I did have gestational diabetes and was able to control it with diet up until just a few weeks before having her, then I had to take some insulin. I went in with painful kidney stones and from that pain my blood pressure was very high, which was concerning. After two VBACs, I had to have a C-section. Yet I felt peace throughout and Megan was healthy and weighed a little over 7 pounds.

I am so thankful for all of my children, including those in heaven.

A little (short to read, not many pages) book I really enjoyed after miscarriages and would give to friends and relatives who had miscarriages after my first one is, I'll Hold You In Heaven by Jack Hayford.  It gives verses from the Bible and is very encouraging.  Another great book for a longer read is, Safe In The Arms Of Jesus by Robert P. Lightner.

Life goes on and with Jesus there is hope after a miscarriage, even if you are of “advanced maternal age.”

 

 

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You can pin this to read later or share with someone going through a miscarriage to encourage them…

There is hope after miscarriage woman holding a pink rose at child's funeral neededinthehome

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Please Share:
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November 10, 2022 by admin 6 Comments

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Comments

  1. Kristie says

    May 19, 2019 at 3:32 pm

    I really enjoyed this post! I have 5 children, and had 2 miscarriages- One before and after my 5th child. I found comfort in a book, just like you did. The book was titled A Mom Just Like You. It was written by Vickie Farris, mother of 10. She struggled through more child bearing issues than I did, and had most of her children after age 35. A friend of mine, who had four miscarriages, recommended it to me after my first miscarriage. Also, I would add that fruitful women WILL experience more pregnancy difficulties, because more pregnancies mean more problems- after all, we will bear children in pain and sorrow. I had preeclampsia, staff, a failed version, a breech baby, 3 vbac babies, a baby born with a broken collar bone, and a placenta that had grown into the uterine wall- just to name a few of my problems. However, it is ALL worth it! After all, we are making whole human beings every time we give birth! I’m featuring your post at the Little Cottage Link Party tomorrow at 9 am. I hope you can pop in to see it.

    Reply
    • admin says

      May 19, 2019 at 6:38 pm

      Thank you so much. I am really glad you shared another reading option for my readers. I love your perspective. It is definitely worth it. Thank you for the feature.

      Reply
  2. Jennifer Wise says

    November 5, 2018 at 10:38 am

    What an amazing journey. I love those beautiful little gravestones–what a precious and sacred place to be. I love how your faith has brought you through so many heartbreaks and how your prayers have been answered. Thank you for sharing your sweet story!
    #heartandsoullinkup

    Reply
    • admin says

      December 28, 2018 at 7:14 am

      Thank you for your kind words, Jennifer.

      Reply
  3. Briel s says

    July 8, 2018 at 8:47 am

    I want to say thank you for sharing your testimony, I lost our baby at 11 weeks aswell about 2 months ago it been difficult all I can remember is the ultrasound how big the baby was but with no heartbeat. it has been such a hard journey longing for a child and waiting on God and just learning from the situation. but I have had the peace about it that only God can give . It has been hard to because a lot of people at my church are finding out there pregnant and it seems like there avoiding me also or people make a reason to avoid me . So the pain I have been feeling is unexplainable at times . It was my husband and I first year anniversary last week and I am hopping for a full term pregnancy and a healthy child if God allows

    Reply
    • admin says

      July 8, 2018 at 9:38 am

      Briel, you are welcome and thank you for sharing too. I am so sorry for your loss. It will be nice to meet our children someday. I am so glad that God is giving you peace. I know it is a lonely time with everyone else treating you differently. When I started talking about it openly and publicly it seemed to help others in this area and when they met another going through this, they would send her to me. Happy belated anniversary and I am praying for you and your husband.

      Reply

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